Edging Out

I've been feeling the urge to come out lately. Maybe I'm being tired of feeling bottled up, maybe because I'm getting out more than ever, maybe because since I've come out to my parents the fear of being discovered has lifted.

This year has been very eventful for me - early in the year I came out to my two sisters. In November I came out to my parents. Between November and December I came out to two people in my business and a third person who does coaching for my staff.

This is different than those people I meet when I'm out shopping or at conferences and events because these people have known me for a long time.

The hardest reactions have been from my middle sister and my parents. They love me, and there's no question of that, but their love and concern really makes them question this choice that I'm making.

I'm not entirely sure they fully understand what my choice is. I feel in my soul that the choice is between continuing to live a half-life, or beginning to live an authentic life. Sometimes it feels like others think my choice is whether to be trans or not. I have expressed my feelings different ways, but in the end they're my feelings - I'm the only one who has felt them, and the words I use simply can't help someone else feel them.

Coming out to co-workers and friends is different, they don't know me as well as my family. In some ways it's easier because a negative reaction wouldn't hurt me as much, but in some ways it's harder because this is a very personal thing and we don't typically have conversations with this much intimacy. They take what I'm saying more at face value, and their questions are much less "are you sure this is what you want to do?" and more "wow, does electrolysis hurt?"...

All in all, this has been a very good year for my emergence. Since deciding this was my path, I've made and continue to make great strides along it. Next year will see continued change in me, both physically (I started hormones this year) and socially.