So this year I've really stepped up the pace of things.
I decided over the Christmas break that I was going to spend every day I could the way I feel, and I've kept that promise so far. This has meant that every non-work day this year has belonged to Gillian. It has had a tremendously positive impact on how I feel.
In order to do this, I've had to be out and about in my home town. So I began coming out to more people - at least one new person every week. My parents and sisters have known for some time, so this year started with some of the individuals at my business, then all of my employees, then my best friend of the past 14 years (this past Monday).
My staff were all pretty surprised and non-judgemental, which was awesome. We've even worked together (them and Gillian) on a Saturday on a special project and I didn't pick up on any weird vibes at all.
My best friend was a different story - but he's a sensitive and caring person (don't tell him that, he'll deny it!). He was very worried that I'm making a bad decision. I popped over and we went for a drive and I told him - he was totally shocked. For the next couple hours he tried over and over again to reason it and analyze it and of course failed every step of the way. I can't explain this in any logical terms, and my vocabulary for sharing my emotions and feelings has had very little practice to this point. He felt bad the next morning and texted me that he felt he should have been more supportive and was there for me. He's a great friend.
Being out and about in my home town is a little odd - I've avoided it for so long Gillian feels almost like a stranger here. I see people I saw all the time and I notice that I'm acting a bit embarrassed around them and I hate that - working hard to be as natural with the people I recognize as those I don't.
I haven't run into any extended family or friends yet, it's just a matter of time. However now that I've begun spreading the news about me more widely I'm sure the rumour mill will start to turn before long so it won't be a total surprise. Friends I'm not worried about at all, but family I have to get better at keeping in touch with my parents so I'm sure they're prepared.
Anyways, today is a special day. I'm finally making it to a Dignity Canada sponsored evening at Our Lady of Lourdes in Toronto. The topic is "Living from the Centre" lead by Barbara Sheppard, and it's followed by a mass. I'm not sure what to expect, but I think this will be an important experience along the path to reconnecting with my faith.
